About Joe Zu
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I was aware of an attraction to men even when I was very young. I would sneak looks at my dad’s Playboys, but there was something more intriguing about the nudes in mom’s Playgirls. It wasn’t until I reached puberty that I connected that feeling with something sexual. Unlike some people of my generation, I didn’t feel a sense of shame about being gay, though I was smart enough to know it wasn’t something you went around proclaiming.

I was completely insulated from the gay community when I turned 18 in 1983. It wasn’t until I went to an adult book store and bought copies of In Touch For Men, Blueboy, and Mandate that I learned of a disease predominantly ravaging the gay community called AIDS. The articles included long lists of sexual activities considered unsafe and I thought, “I’m finally at the age of consent, and I can’t do any of the things I’ve been waiting to do?” I attended a safer sex workshop at the local LGBT community center where I learned the power of erotic touch: just having someone gently brush their fingers across my face was incredibly sensual and erotic.

But I noticed many of my new friends at the center had a rather unhealthy attitude towards sex of the “I have to get drunk before I kiss a guy.” variety, so I made a point of trying to meet more sex-positive people. One evening I met a very outgoing guy wearing a shirt that said “Nobody knows I’m gay.” We began dating and he eventually became my partner. He introduced me to bathhouses and we joined a jack-off club. From the start, we had an open relationship with clear rules, and for the most part, there was very little conflict in that regard, but when we broke up (amicably) three years later (over other issues, not sex), most of our friends just clicked their tongues and said it was proof that open relationships never work. Again, that negative attitude about sexuality; perhaps they were envious that we had our cake and could eat it, too!

My interest in BDSM came early; I think watching TV shows like Batman and reading comic books were influential, though one might argue, did seeing our heroes tied up make me kinky, or was I inherently kinky and thus more interested in watching Batman than say, The Waltons? But my exploration of kinky sex came with some trepidation: I had seen porn films with fisting, watersports, bondage, and flogging, but they seemed rough and painful and dangerous. Thankfully, I met a guy who took me to a flogging demonstration and I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the majority of practitioners were responsible and considerate. But I hear from clients all the time about how a Dom did not respect their limits and boundaries and was just interested in his own gratification. Why would anyone curious to explore a particular kink feel encouraged when learning it from a selfish, inconsiderate Dom?

In 2013 I started a blog about sexuality. I began writing about my explorations into kink and making my own floggers—partly because I enjoy DIY, and partly because sex toys are often expensive.

If people had more satisfactory sex, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually; if we were open to other possibilities, for not everyone is wired to be monogamous or vanilla; and if we were less judgmental about others’ tastes in sex or the kinds of relationships they have, I believe we’d all be happier, more relaxed, and more loving people. It is for all these reasons I became a Sacred Intimate and kink mentor—and I love my work! I genuinely enjoy teaching others and opening their minds to new possibilities.

What does Joe Zu (上手) mean, anyway?

It means “skillful” in Japanese.

Won’t you begin a journey of discovery with me? All you have to do is say hello! I look forward to meeting you!